Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.
G.K. Chesterton
So, you and your date are strolling down the avenue some Saturday night when a microphone-wielding online influencer asks you what, in your opinion, in all of creation, is the greatest wonder.
“The greatest wonder?” you mull – not your usual sidewalk-ambush topic. The last time you were thus accosted, the question was, if you could have one superpower, what would it be? You answered – to your eternal dismay – hopping. That experience left you deeply scarred and suffering from acute performance anxiety.
“Yeah,” he prods, “what would you say, out of everything in the universe, is the greatest wonder?”
The microphone looms large in your awareness. “The procreative urge,” you almost blurt – and who could blame you? – but you're on a first date and don’t want to give the wrong impression, so instead you try to sound, if not wise, at least wisdom-adjacent.
“The Taj Mahal,” you cry, grinning the grin of the unimpeachable. The expressions of your interviewer and your date both register mild disappointment, so you back off and shift your now-panicking brain into overdrive. What is the greatest wonder? You struggle for something deep and clever, but not totally obvious. You think of that big water fountain in Vegas, but can’t remember if it’s at the Mirage or the Bellagio and you don’t want to sound stupid, so you pinch that one off and keep working the problem. What is the greatest wonder?
“Toilets!” you cry in mixed hope and despair. “The goddamn toilet is the greatest wonder! A miracle of modern plumbing – of this there can be no doubt!”
You don't know why you're shouting. You sense that you could have come up with something better than toilets, but instead of backing off you double down.
“It’s definitely the toilet,” you exclaim in a tone meant to express both certainty and wonder. "The flush toilet," you add, to avoid confusion. You start to mention the miracle of siphoning action but manage to hold your tongue. "Toilet," you squeak.
Your date takes a half-step back. Your interviewer strains to smile.
“Sure,” he says, “toilets are great.”
You decide the best defense is a good offense.
“Why?” you demand of your smirking date and snarky interviewer. “What do you think it is?”
“I was thinking of God's grace,” says your date.
“Oh, well, yeah,” you respond, “God’s grace, sure. That’s a good one. I just assumed that was, you know, assumed.” You turn to your interviewer. “What are other people saying?”
“Besides the flush toilet? Uh, we get a lot of God-related stuff. A few said pizza, some muscle cars and metal bands were mentioned, the water fountains at the Bellagio." (damn!) "Repentance, absolution and salvation came up a few times, and there was one vote for something called polyamorism, but I was afraid to ask a follow-up.”
You nod in sympathy.
“One girl suggested that the greatest wonder was ayahuasca, but conceded that other mind-altering substances qualified as well, depending on where you were on your journey. Four people said dogs, two said compounding interest and one guy said the greatest wonder was that each day, death strikes, yet we live as though we were immortal.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah, pretty heavy. We had one guy – wicked handsome – who said the greatest wonder was that we take life so seriously. He said the illusion of meaning – the belief that life has significance and that what we do matters – was the greatest wonder of all, but then he changed his mind and went with the ‘86 Mets.”
“What ho!" you cry. "We can change our answers? Eyeballs! I wanna say eyeballs! Or maybe a beautiful sunset. No, eyeballs – definitely eyeballs! Housefly, horsefly, dragonfly. No, wait! Squid! Yeah, Change my answer to squid eyeballs.”
“Yeah, okay," the interviewer nods wearily, having squeezed the last drop of wisdom-nectar from you. “Squid eyeballs it is.”
Down the street, your date slips into a cab. You hear laughter, sirens, thumping bass. The cry of a child pierces the night. You wonder what it all means. Something, you're sure.
Something.
The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder.
G.K. Chesterton
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